unemployable

The day the aliens come,
the reckoning day, the day of last words,
I have something to say
just one thing,
if they’ll listen:

we know how bad it looks.

we know we’re ugly.
it's true, we sweat, we shit, some of us bleed,
we get old and wither,
we’re soft, we're not built to last,
we'd be so easy to squash,
but please don’t, because

we know we haven’t made it very far.
it's true, we’re still smashing electrons together,
drowning in melted continents,
baffled by consciousness,
but please,
just give us some more time, because

we know we’re deplorable,
it’s all true, we have
bombs pointed at our own planet, we have
children in factories making $500 jeans, we have
minstrel shows and frat house rapes and
ten thousand more reasons to kill us, but
please don’t, because

it’s all true,
everything we say
in our
songs.

College in three haikus

oh yeahhh
Batman comics stashed
inside a Coach bag, damn it
feels good to be me.

this year, I sold Babe Ruth
to the Yankees for
an old Daewoo, and used it
to invade Russia.

the smile means
I’ll remind you that
life is good if you remind
me that it’s easy.

If I Were A Boy or two

Poor guy, "LeBron James has killed his desire for higher education"

Poor guy, the slave of wormlike PhDs.

Poor guy, diabetes at age 12

Poor guy, "Nearly one in 10 college men met a 12-month diagnosis of alcohol dependence."

Poor guy, they call him a coward for respecting beauty

Poor guy, they call him a monster for noticing it.

Poor guy, shipped home in a body bag

Poor guy, "I think going abroad changed him."